Jake Gyllenhaal is Reese’s bitch

Jake Gyllenhaal has moved in with Reese Witherspoon’s $5 million L.A. home claims Star Magazine and with the relocation comes a few rules Reese has laid down for Jake.

First, the basics: no shoes in the house, empty the trash when three-quarters full, no feet on the coffee table.

Second, the domestic bliss rules: no swearing, if he swears, he must apologize, daily discussions at the dinner table, consult before making plans for dinner or yoga.

Third and final, the more personal rule: leave your balls at the door, you won’t be needing them in this house. Muahahaha.

Honestly, this house sucks. It’s like having your very essence raped over and over again by a strap-on. So, in other words, perfect for Jake.

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