Dane Cook is a douche

A judge has decided to evict Dane Cook from his Hollywood apartment because he would not pick up his dog’s crap despite constant complaints from residents. Dane, however, is not going down without a fight. The frat boy hero comedian contends that he receives inspiration from the fact that Belushi and Martin used to live in the same complex and if he leaves, he would suffer from “mental and emotional” damage. Cook explains:

“I know that the presence of those that have lived there before me affects me deeply and provides me with inspiration. In the same way that writers can get writer’s block, comedians can really easily run out of ideas and ‘stories’; I am extremely frightened that this will happen to me if I am forced to move out of my apartment. I’ve seen it happen to other comics, that something interferes with their connection to their creative muse, and it’s destroyed careers.”

Fortunately for Dane, he’ll never run out of material. Unless a giant meteor comes crashing down to Earth and takes out every single comedian he’s planning to steal from, in which case, “f**k!”

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