Madonna

According to The Scoop, Madonna’s divorce is about to get a lot uglier. This is based on the fact that Madonna is merely a puppet for Kabbalah, the magical religion with the $40 red charm bracelet she backs.

“Here’s how it works: she’s got a team of Kabbalah advisers who guide her through her spiritual decisions. If they say something is justified, then she feels comfortable going ahead and doing it,” says the friend. “That was the litmus test she applied to spending time with A-Rod, that’s how she justifies making references to Guy at concerts,” says the friend. “It’s only going to get worse (the public jabs) if Kabbalah greenlights it. Expect ugliness of epic proportions.”

Add to the fact that whenever Madonna gets mad, her size increases tenfold, her skin turns slightly green and she is filled with such rage, she starts smashing things. Suffice to say, you wouldn’t like it if Madonna was angry.