Paparazzi are idiots

When a shameless opportunist, say Alison Silva, is accidentally hit by a celebrity’s car, say Keanu Reeves’, it is in their nature to sue for a big pay day claiming a little love tap left them unable to work. However, rest assured they won’t be seeing one cent because they’re likely colossal idiots.

Alison Silva buckled under questioning by Reeves’ defense attorney and acknowledged he was beaten by fellow photographers while shooting photos of Britney Spears earlier this year. That assault came roughly a year after the incident in which Silva claims Reeves hit him with a car and left him unable to work.

Jurors on Wednesday also heard from a fire department captain who testified that Silva complained of pain in his left knee moments after his fall, despite his later statements to doctors and testimony that Reeves’ Porsche hit his right knee and that it hurt afterward.

The captain also testified that Silva was clutching his camera when paramedics arrived, contrary to the paparazzo’s testimony that he dropped his camera when he says Reeves hit him with his Porsche.

Silva was generally able to answer his attorney’s questions directly Tuesday and Wednesday.

But he repeatedly told Reeves’ attorney, Mark D. Williams, that he could not remember aspects of the incident and statements he made to emergency responders and doctors.

Williams questioned Silva about telling an eyewitness that the incident was “an accident” then later allegedly telling an emergency room doctor that Reeves had sped toward him and tried to flee the scene.

In fact, Reeves remained at the scene, tried to summon help for Silva and attempted to talk to him after his fall.

The only way this could turn out worse for Alison is if in the middle of questioning he waved his hands in the air and said, “Me no speak English.” And then started to quote Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid. And then kicked the judge in the balls with a crane kick. But even then it’d only be slightly worse.

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