Hef is high maintenance

Holly Madison is finally free from the clutches of Hef’s frail, spotty hands. Now she can say whatever she wants without fear of retribution. So it came as no shock when in an interview set to air Wednesday, Holly told Extra:

“It might be refreshing to date someone who is not high maintenance. Sorry, Hef … I love you, but you know you’re high maintenance.”

Aside from his daily sponge bath and bed pan changing, Hef’s not that high maintenance. He’s still able to amble down the stairs without help for the most part. Holly is just being difficult. And kind of mean since she also says Hef’s libido is not up to par.

“I haven’t had sex in a really long time,” she said. “And that’s the honest truth.”

What say you Hef? Your manhood has been questioned. The gauntlet has been thrown. You can either choose to take it or pop a few Viagra and run through this year’s centerfolds like a horny, decrepit bat out of hell. Just don’t throw out your back again. It’s awkward enough having the paramedics tend to you while you lie on the floor naked, writhing in agony. To do that when you also have a huge boner makes it even more awkward.

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