Justin Long will bang anything

Justin Long must hate his penis. He broke up with Drew Barrymore then hooked up with Kirsten Dunst and now he’s punishing his wiener by doing the sexytime with the supposedly bisexual troll Tila Tequila. Page Six reports:

But on Halloween, the “Mac Guy” hooked up with trampy bisexual Tila Tequila in Las Vegas. Spies said the two were spotted at Los Angeles airport and nightclub Noir, where Long “asked her to straddle him while making out. Eww,” our spy sniffed.

Justin’s penis will be traumatized by the time he finishes putting it through this unrelenting torture. His penis will develop this weird tick where every time he unzips his pants for whatever reason, it will quiver, clutch its blankie and rock back and forth chanting, “Never again, never again.” I have no doubt that if Justin’s penis could slap him in the face (a self-cockslap?) and tell him to wake the f**k up, it would.