Paula Abdul is insane

It was only a matter of time before reports of how Paula Goodspeed’s suicide outside her Beverly Hills home has affected the mentally unstable Paula Abdul. Page Six reports that Paula has refused to return to her “haunted house.” This was even after she sought the services of “healers” to rid the house of ghosts.

“[Paula Goodspeed] was a deranged stalker who sent her death threats. Paula instructed guards to keep Goodspeed away from her at all costs,” said a source. “She refuses to stay at home because she fears that the spirit of Goodspeed is haunting her house. She feels like this is the absolute worst omen, a really bad curse . . . Paula is suffering. It is well known that she is emotionally fragile.”

A rep for Paula denied this, but everyone knows there’s a high probability this is true. You could throw a sheet over your head and pretend to be the ghost of Goodspeed and Paula would scream in horror, turn around and accidentally run head first into a wall. I think a funny thing to do would be to replace Paula’s regular alarm sound with Goodspeed’s American Idol audition.

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