According to Popcrunch, Britney hates her life enough to date Paris Hilton’s ex, Benji Madden. In Touch reports that they’ve been secretly seeing each other and were spotted once at The Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills. If you’re wondering how these two yahoos met, credit Britney’s dad, Jamie. He made up a list of acceptable boyfriends for Britney which included: Chace Crawford, Jesse Metcalf and that goofy bastard, Michael Phelps. Britney’s manager, Larry Rudolph, called everyone to set up a date, but the only one interested was Benji. Because anything is a step up from Paris Hilton. At this point he’d be happy with a walrus with lipstick.
Larry isn’t just helping to break Britney’s imposed dry spell though. He’s hoping to use her new relationship to promote her album and upcoming tour. He’s a forward thinker, he is. In Touch says “he plans to make a big, splashy announcement to help publicize her upcoming tour.” In other words, expect to see Britney spiral into madness yet again after this relationship fails next month. Her new managers can’t be good for her hair.