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Tara Reid is faking it, in free rehab
It turns out even addicts are affected by the economy. Star magazine alleges that Promises, the fancy rehab Tara Reid is vacationing at, is sponsoring Tara’s stay in hopes that name dropping her to the press will boost declining enrollment. Star says,
“Enrollment is down due to the bad economy, so in an effort to drum up publicity, they asked around Hollywood to see who wanted to stay there for free.”
What a great plan. Because if Tara Reid approves of it, it must be good. Right? Not really. Tara has a Pavlovian response to the word “free.” I heard she once ate dog food for a week because Purina offered her a year’s supply.
She could come to my rehab center.
First order of business would be some fisting lessons to work over her sloppy cornhole so that it hangs down like streched out slinky.
After that, the real rehab can start:
Gin and tonics for breakfast, a six pack for lunch, and vodka and cranberry for dinner.
When she’s lost her mind totally, I’ll pay pack of homeless midgets to crawl over her and lick her nipples.
I don’t know if your fist would work. I hear she can fit a traffic cone up there.
Mean, just mean…