Paula Abdul

Not content with the obscene amounts of money being thrown at her, The National Enquirer reports that Paula Abdul is in secret negotiations with CBS/Paramount Network Television to launch her own talk show. Possibly debuting as early as next year.

“Paula’s been dreaming about having her own talk show for three years, and she’s ready to make it a reality,” a source close to the star told The ENQUIRER.

Paula envisions the new show focusing on issues that affect average people — plus an occasional celebrity guest, says the source.

Not only that, Paula is renegotiating her contract with American Idol for an increase in salary to $10 million. That retarded number is almost double what she’s currently earning which is $5 to $7 million. If they don’t acquiesce, she’ll start work on her talk show immediately. And even if they do agree, Paula will make sure there’s a clause that says she can have her own projects.

Paula having her own talk show is a good idea. That way the whole world will know how indecipherable she really is. Every week we can have viewing parties with decoder rings to figure out if “Srrrgrrphh flrrrfig” means she’s talking about obesity or summer dresses. We can also take shots until we match our slurred speech with Paula’s. I think I need 15, but my friend says I only need 8. Looks like it’s game on.

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