Robert Downey Jr. will make a great grandpa

This Newsweek interview with Brad Pitt, Anne Hathaway, Robert Downey Jr., Frank Langella and Sally Hawkins started out innocently enough with them answering questions like if they Google themselves. Brad said never since he doesn’t know how to operate a computer. Anne Hathaway said no, but changed her answer shortly after RDJ replied:

Oh, I love all that s—-, personally. Sorry. I love just it. Because it’s a hoot. Some people overstate their support, like they know you. Other people are busy doing something else and just want to go on this chat site and say some despicable character assassination, which I honestly think they kind of nailed it. I do have that shortcoming. It’s really fun.

Anne said she’s embarrassed by it. Brad bitches and moans about how he has to promote movies with anecdotes about his life.

Then the interview turns weird as RDJ launches into a tangent.

Downey: I got a story for you. I go to Japan. “Iron Man” is opening there. I’m like, dude, this is my walk of fame. I go there and they go, [he mimics a Japanese accent] “Small problem with your passport, it links up to some incredible criminal activity.” I’m like yeah, yeah, yeah. “You did not make claim of said activity.” I was like, “I got tired.” “We would like to interrogate you.” I was like, “Interrogate? Fine, great.” Six hours later, I’m sitting there in the Japanese interrogation suite. A lady comes out, “So were you in jail or prison?” I go, “Both.” “How long?” “Sixteen months.” “Do you know the name of the first infraction you had in 1995?” I was like, “It’s hard for me to remember because I’ve been arrested so many times.” “We cannot let you enter our country.” They decided later that I can come in to do the press, “But I must please never come to Japan again.” So I’ll wrap this up quickly. We go to the Iron Chef restaurant. They give me the finest Kobe beef, and I am doubled over for yoo-hoo status for the next two days.

Langella: I don’t know what that means.

Downey: I ate a piece of beef that was super-expensive, I got a parasite, and I was yoo-hoo. I was Brown Betty for two days.

Langella: See, he has his own language.

Downey: Then what happens, a Japanese robot shows up on the red carpet. He carries in a 500-pound barrel of sake. I’m going like, I kind of have plans for Christmas, you should keep that away from me. They wanted me to smash the sake cast open with the robotic Iron Man.

Pitt: There’s some wacky humor going on over there. Japan, those toilets, all automated. They fumigate, they spray, they massage.

I’m not sure Brad Pitt was listening to a word RDJ said. A fucking Japanese robot showed up with a 500-pound barrel of sake and asked him to smash it. Is that all Brad could muster? Wacky humor? This sounds like something Abe Simpson would tell Lisa and Bart. I would be backing out of the room right after that. I don’t want to get shivved.

All kidding aside, I don’t think Downey was high. This is Japan we’re talking about. They used to sell used panties in vending machines. An alcohol lugging robot doesn’t sound too far-fetched. They were probably trying to do a Futurama impersonation of Bender, but something was lost in translation or maybe their Hentai costume was at the cleaners.

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