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When I think of what might have happened in Shauna Sand’s plastic surgeon’s office, I imagine her with sparkles in her eyes begging him to, “Make me beautiful, doc” and the doctor, turning around in his high-back leather chair to reveal a pair of crossed-eyes, goofily replying, “Will do!,” and hurriedly strapping her to a table and haphazardly jabbing her perfectly normal body with silicone-filled needles.

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