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It’s the stylist’s fault

Jessica Simpson Chili Cook-off

Jessica Simpson’s family says poor judgment by her stylist and a bad angle were what made Jessica Simpson look like she packed on a few pounds and that it wasn’t from shoveling food in her mouth as a coping mechanism for an unfaithful Tony Romo. Sources close to the singer claim her weight hasn’t even changed much over the past few months despite photographs to the contrary. An insider tells Pop Tarts:

“She’s a normal girl and like everyone fluctuates a little but there is no way she gained that much weight,” an insider assured Tarts. “It was a really unflattering outfit and a really bad angle. You look at photos taken of her just a couple of weeks earlier and nobody said anything about weight gain, now all of a sudden she’s considered fat. Not possible.”

There is some truth to this. The camera does add ten pounds and Jessica did look like she went back to normal in more recent photos. But then again, five bags of Doritos a day also adds ten pounds and black is slimming so this is really a toss up. The only way we’re going to figure this one out is if Jessica strips completely naked in front of me. She may be reluctant at first, but we really have no other choice.

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Lucifercapt. cornhole Recent comment authors
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capt. cornhole
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capt. cornhole

Yeah, I’ll agree that the camera adds 10lbs. But only if it’s a 10lb camera and she ate it!

Hell, I could shave bacon off her arms.

All-in-all I don’t really care, she could sit on my face and I wouldn’t complain provided she shaves her cooter first. It’s such a pain to keep having to cough up hairs while munching down-below.

Lucifer
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Lucifer

Bwhahaha! In the words of Matthew Perry: How many Cameras were on her anyway?

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