ESC

Spencer and Heidi planning a fake divorce

Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt attend Affliction

Following a fake marriage in Mexico, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are planning a fake divorce.

“Spencer is masterminding the whole thing right now,” says a source. “He’ll make sure people see him going in and out of a lawyer’s office. Then he’ll stage fake fights with Heidi for the cameras and talk on the show about getting married too young and pretend he’s really conflicted.”

“Spencer will push this as far as he can, but it will all be 100 percent fake. He loves Heidi and will never let her go,” says the source, who adds, “They’re just always looking for a way to out-drama Lauren Conrad. It’s their No. 1 goal in life!”

That’s the spirit! Set those goals low and you’ll never be disappointed. Sort of like how Heidi dreamed of becoming an unpopular reality tv star who gets a new nose and $5 implants and dates a douchebag. Mission accomplished.

If Spencer is wondering what other “fake” drama they can create to stretch out those 15 minutes, here are a few suggestions.

A fake pregnancy: Spencer impregnates Heidi. Later, it will be revealed that the baby aborted itself three weeks in.

A fake job: Spencer pretends to be a celebrity. The wheels are already in motion on this one.

A fake sex tape: Spencer and Heidi circulate a rumor that a sex tape they made is being shopped around for almost five figures. The tape in question is actually video of Spencer running to the bathtub and crying after sex.

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capt. cornhole

The idea of a sex tape is pretty good. I would buy it provided it contained the following:

Heidi being triple fucked all holes at once by three guys of different race (asian, latino, and black)

Spencer tied up and forced to watch.

Then the three guys tossing off onto Spencer’s face while he crys like a little bitch.

The bonus material should contain Spencer being fisted by San Fran leather men, Heidi’s and Spencer’s trip to the glory hole, and Spencer taking a steaming dump on Heidi’s horse face.

What!! What!!??
I gotta have standards….

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