Tom Cruise tries to woo Brazilians with Spanish

Tom Cruise topless

Tom Cruise is in Brazil to promote his film Valkryie which has been out forever, but hasn’t been mentioned all that much. Forgetting Brazilians speak Portuguese and not Spanish isn’t helping either. At a recent press conference, he took to greeting the Brazilian reporters with “hola” and thanking them with “gracias.”

Adding to the embarrassment, Cruise said he fell in love with Brazil after watching movies about samba and tango. To many, tango is a dance originating from Argentina. Tom might as well have shouted, “Fuck you Brazil and your devil language.”

Besides confusing Brazil with Spanish speaking countries, Cruise also made a trip to the Island of Dr. Moreau. Actually, it was the island of Dr. Ivo Pitanguy, a plastic surgeon who has his own landing strip in Brazil and owns a bunch of exotic animals. This little excursion has Fox News speculating that either Suri wanted to check out rare animals without those unnecessary safety precautions or Tom wanted plastic surgery.

That or he wanted more steroids. Look at him. His stomach is imploding. It’s as if he’s aging backwards. Pretty soon his tits will be perkier than Katie’s.

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1 Comment on "Tom Cruise Whisks Suri Out Of New York In A Helicopter"

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Too bad his head didn’t explode. He’s a disgusting maniac who supports a CULT.

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