Excuse me, miss. The bathroom is over there.
Excuse me, miss. The bathroom is over there.

Jessica Simpson’s gained a little weight over the past few months so what better time to use that fact to get some free publicity? L.A.’s FBE Holistic Health & Fitness has offered Jessica Simpson a lifetime membership valued at $21,600 per year. Their enthusiastic doctor already came up with a program for Jessica which includes a bunch of scary words like “gluten free,” “ratios” and “Whole Body Vibration Machine.” Oddly enough, no mention of exercise which I hear is highly overrated. Why work out when a machine can do it for you?

That doctor pretty much wasted his time, however, as Jessica told them to get off her case (of donuts). A source says Jessica’s happy the way she is. They attribute the weight gain to being in Texas and eating comfort food and also being content and in love. The source adds, “And with Tony on hiatus, they’ve been eating out more and just enjoying life together. When she has a guy, Jessica just seems to accept herself and stops obsessing over her body.”

Another reason why I was glad to be born without a heart. Love can never make me fat because I can’t feel. Better luck next time, “emotions.”

Here’s Jessica performing at Madison Square Garden.

jessica simpson madison square garden 01jessica simpson madison square garden 02jessica simpson madison square garden 03jessica simpson madison square garden 05jessica simpson madison square garden 06jessica simpson madison square garden 07jessica simpson madison square garden 08jessica simpson madison square garden 09jessica simpson madison square garden 10jessica simpson madison square garden 11