ESC

Hugh Hefner is getting too old for this

Hugh Hefner

Looks like all those years of forcing girls down on his wrinkly balls have taken a toll on Hugh Hefner. At a recent appearance at the Annual Kandyland Masquerade Ball at the Playboy Mansion on Saturday, guests said that while Hef was in a good mood, he looked sickly.

“He looked so old, like he had aged 10 years in the last month and was barely moving,” said an insider, adding that Hef’s new number one Crystal held his hand and assisted him as she “slowly shuffled” along while his other lovers (the 19-year-old Shannon twins) marched ahead of the bunny brigade and reveled in the limelight.

“I have some aches and pains and I have had lower back problems since the ’80s,” Hefner told Tarts last year. “Too much time in bed rustling around with friends.”

When Hef’s girls leave him again, the new casting call for Girls Next Door will have to ask for a buxom, adventurous blonde, 18 to 26 years of age, who knows how to change a colostomy bag. A romantic evening for Hef used to be a fancy dinner and a blue pill, now it’s whenever he doesn’t wet his diaper.

  • Crusader70

    Or it could be that he was 91.

  • crizz1066

    Doubt it, his whole life was heaven…also as God and all religions are hogwash. He defiantly won’t be going!!!!

  • Mare

    If she signed a pre-nup, then she already knew she’d get nothing on his death. That doesn’t make her a gold digger, but eww.

    • Doodah

      She actually got $5milion dollars and a $7 million home. Part of the marriage deal. It is all in a trust that is solely in her name.

    • jwoolman

      I’m sure she knew all about it when she married him also. She should be pretty well set for life if she is smart about it. This arrangement prevented any endless fights between her and the kids, and he got to decide exactly what would go to charities and to his children without any extra hassle. It must have been worth it to her, although she was initially a reluctant bride.

  • Roger

    I would have a Level A Hazmat Suit

  • eboe thrasher

    The $1000 WAS the clothing allowance. Learn to figure shit out.

  • trixi

    Has nobody thought that she got her “inheritance” before he died. Gifts, cash and otherwise, his name, etc. I am sure she is not hurting financially!

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