In which Zac Efron tries not to sound gay

Zac Efron tels April’s Elle that his mom heard rumors that he was in a sex shop with Vanessa Hudgens and started grilling him on why he was there. Zac told her, “it’s not a sex shop.” His mom didn’t believe him and accused him of “being sexual.” The awkwardness didn’t stop there. When Christmas came around, Zac Efron got a stocking full of condoms. Efron proudly exclaimed, “She buys me the economy box.”

Way to not seem gay, dude. Pretend you’re banging a chick. A lot. And when people question your sexuality, you can go, “Haha, what? Why would you think? Ha, you’re too much.” Whatever you do though, don’t gush about the time you met Leonardo DiCaprio at a Lakers game last November. Oops, too late.

“We talked the whole game, and he was just everything I thought he would be: smart, levelheaded, charming, hilarious,” he says. “You know, the older-brother vibe. That sounds so cheesy.”

Oh, yea. Older brother. I gotcha. Wink, wink. Jesus. It sounded like he wanted to ravage him right there. Zac doesn’t even talk about his girlfriend like that. He was probably waiting outside to chloroform him but Leo never showed up.

Although, in Zac’s defense, DiCaprio is pretty awesome and I’d act the same way. Except, I’d be more subtle in my approach. I’d have gone, “Hey, Leo. You gonna finish that hot dog? You are. Oh. Okay then,” and then not say anything to him the rest of the night. I play it cool.