John Mayer really wants you to know all of Jennifer Aniston’s faults

I think John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are broken up. Truthfully, I haven’t been following this. She’s ugly and he’s annoying so why would I? Anyway, judging by this new report by the National Enquirer, I think they’re broken up for good.

NE says that John Mayer can’t stop talking about Jennifer. Most likely because he thinks dropping her name makes him famous by association and acts as catnip for the ladies even though it actually makes him a douche bag.

“John’s been recording in a studio and coming on to almost every woman in the vicinity,” a close source told The ENQUIRER.

“He goes on and on to these women about how clingy and needy Jen is. He says that when they got back together after their first breakup last August, it was agreed she would back off on the smothering.

“When someone tries to change the subject, he goes back to Jennifer, claiming she was so emotionally dependent and demanding that he couldn’t take it.”

What a catch. Complaining about your ex really turns women on. Other things that turn women on: telling them they’re fat, pushing them into a puddle and asking them to make you a sandwich. I found these out as I thumbed through John Mayer’s book titled “Things That Turn Women On According to the Delusional Mind of John Mayer.”