Julia Roberts was well prepared

Julia Roberts honored Tom Hanks at the Film Society of Lincoln Center event by saying “f**k” a lot of times and bemoaning his recent string of confusing movies. Good times.

“Alright well, it’s late and I’m paying my babysitter overtime and I have to pee,” she began. “So Tom, everybody fucking likes you. All my bits are gone. Listen, I had lunch today with Rita [Wilson, Hanks’ wife], and her tits were here [motioned high] and her waist was here [motioned small] and her ass was like that [motioned high], so what can I tell you that’s new? Tom Hanks, what the f**k?”

She then went on to say she’s seen most of Hanks’ films except That Thing (You Do). I love the Cohen brothers, but the hair Tom [in 2004’s Ladykillers], I didn’t even know what the f**k that movie was about!” Of 2004’s The Terminal, she cracked, “You in the airport with the accent? It was a pass for me. Airport? Were you just an immigrant lost? I didn’t know. I love you, and I didn’t know what to do, really. God, I’m wearing the same fucking dress tonight as your publicist!”

“Listen, I’ve got to get home. But this much we know … I will say this: Tom Hanks, I love you.”

This is like the speech my ex-girlfriend gave at my graduation dinner. Except, instead of ending with “I love you,” it ended with her shoving a two month old baby in my face and telling me “you’re a daddy” and instead of me laughing, I ran away to Florida and changed my name.

Now with video thanks to PopEater:


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