What does Tom Hanks have to do to get laid around here?

The main reason for any guy to become an actor is to get pretend laid by some hot chick in a movie and then maybe real laid at the afterparty. But poor Tom Hanks, he can’t even get pretend laid anymore. Sex scenes which were originally planned for Hank’s new film Angels & Demons were cut due to time constraints.

“We really don’t have time to make out or go to bed when Cardinals are being killed on the hour.

“We tried to work it into the screenplay over and over again. We were like, ‘Isn’t there a bigger car with a bigger backseat?’

“But we were stuck with an Alfa Romeo so we didn’t have an opportunity to grab some smooching on the way to the Pantheon or the Piazza Del Poppolo.

“It’s my loss, but I think it did make it easier for Ayelet.”

It actually made it much easier for audiences as well. No one wants to see a 42-year-old bang a 30-year-old in the backseat of a car. Especially when it’s Tom Hanks. That’s just weird. And nauseating. And no one is going to believe a Harvard professor has time for sexy shenanigans anyway. When they’re not talking smart or smoking pipes, they’re too busy sewing leather patches to their tweed jackets.