Joe Jackson suspects foul play, thinks Paris will be famous

Joe Jackson suspects Michael Jackson may have been. Wait for it. Murdered. Dun dun dun! Speaking to ABC News, Joe said at first he couldn’t believe Michael had died and that now he has a strong suspicion it may be homicide.

“We are still awaiting corroboration from the coroner’s office as to cause of death. That is going to be very dependent on the toxicology reports that are due to come back,” Los Angeles Police Chief William Bratton told CNN. “And based on those, we will have an idea of what it is we are dealing [with]: are we dealing with a homicide or are we dealing with accidental overdose?”

Foul play may be a stretch, however, as CNN reports Michael took more than 10 Xanax pills a night even going as far as to ask his employees to get the meds under their names. With that kind of medication, it’s surprising Michael didn’t die sooner. He probably sweat Xanax.

Still, in spite of tragedy, Joe always manages to find a silver lining. In this case, it’s how to profit off of his surviving children.

“Their grandmother — Katherine — and I” should raise them, he said. “Yes, there’s no one else to do what we can do for them. We should keep them all together and then make them happy, feed ’em like they’re supposed to be fed, and let them get rest, plenty of sleep and grow up to be strong Jacksons.”

“I don’t know — I keep watching Paris,” Joe Jackson said. “She … wants to do something.”

“And as far as I can see, well, they say Blanket, he can really dance,” he added.

Joe’s eyes than began making “cha-ching” sounds and his pupils turned into dollar signs at which point the reporter got really freaked out. You could practically hear Joe salivating when Paris took the mic at Michael’s memorial.