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Molly Ringwald had twins, Mira Sorvina had miracle baby

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Molly Ringwald gave birth to twins. I wasn’t sure if she was even acting again, but PEOPLE says she’s in ABC Family’s The Secret Life of an American Teenager. Um, I didn’t really care, but thanks anyway, PEOPLE. Good for her and ABC for showing everyone that fat people are employable too. Fight the powers that be.

Daughter Adele Georgiana and son Roman Stylianos were born last Friday, July 10. They will join their five-year-old sister Mathilda Ereni who must be pissed that the twins are going to get all new clothes instead of her hand-me-downs. You know Molly is going to do something dorky like dress them alike.

In other birthing news, Mira Sorvino popped out her third kid and named him Holden Paul Terry Backus. She calls it her “miracle baby” because of complications during pregnancy, placenta previa, and a long, difficult labor, Holden was 8 lbs. 12 oz.

Holy crap. Let this be a warning to you hot chicks. Before you think about getting pregnant and fat, go to your supermarket, buy a 8 lb. 12 oz. Butterball turkey and try to stuff that in your vagina. Yea, not so fun now, is it?

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Terry? In England that name is synonymous with allegedly corrupt football managers and men who walk around in summer wearing only shorts, tattoos and lobster red skin… ew..

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