Please don’t

Us reports that Heidi Montag, otherwise known has Heidi Pratt or Heidi Douchebag or just Heidi, is set to perform at the 2009 Miss Universe Pageant next month. She’ll unleash her undignified wailing by attempting to sing “Turn Ya Head,” another abortion of a song. Other lowlights planned for the evening include Claudia Jordan, Flo Rida, Kelly Rowland and David Guetta.

A good idea would be to turn Heidi’s mic all the way down when she performs. That way no one will have to hear her awful voice. People would rather hear a feedback loop set on high. Instead, they can dress a guy up as a robot and make him do “bleep boop” noises as he walks around on stage next to Heidi. That would be 500 times more entertaining.