Cruises inspire Scientology clothing line

While most people would kindly look upon the smoldering embers of Katie Cruise’s once promising  career with a mix of despair and bemusement  and despair (mainly despair), fear not—it turns out she and her space midget hubby could potentially fall back onto a life of fashion design, as some are suggesting that the new Scientology uniforms have been inspired by Xenu’s favourite power couple:

Behold, then, the new attire for staff members of “Ideal Org”, the umbrella term for those Scientology churches functioning most closely in accordance with directives laid out by cult founder L Ron Hubbard in an essay – which basically comes down to being opulent, hi-tech, and providing drug education and “morality programmes”.

According to some reports, Scientology CEO David Miscavige attempted to incorporate elements of Mr and Mrs Cruise’s signature style in the new kit, which in any sane world would prompt the couple to dispense with the services of their stylists and possibly launch some kind of fashion defamation action.

Clicking though the links in the article brings up a pretty pedestrian mix of power black and red piping, which is, frankly, kinda boring. After all, this cult collective of slavish morons and con artists would have you believe that 75 million years ago, a galactic warlord brought billions of people to earth on a giant spaceship, piled them up around volcanoes and then blew them up using hydrogen bombs.  So, no, I don’t want to see you dress up in stewardess skirts or knee-length capes, ingrates. I want silver unitards, jetpacks, and sequined ray-gun holsters. You total, complete and absolute fucking freaks.

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14 years ago

The author of this blog is in perfect accordance with my will. Anything short of silver spandex and besequined jetpacks is a violation of LRH tech.