Michael Phelps was in an accident

Olympic gold medalist/weed enthusiast Michael Phelps was uninjured after crashing his Cadillac Escalade into a Honda Accord in downtown Baltimore last night. The Escalade, Accord and a parked car were all “seriously damaged.” The driver of the Accord was taken to the local hospital as a precaution. Also, in case they want to sue him they’ll have a trail of evidence. Police questioned Phelps about what happened but have since stated that alcohol was not a factor.

Aren’t Escalades built like tanks? How big of a hit does it take to “seriously damage” one of those things? Are you sure Phelps wasn’t under the influence? A good test would have been to wave a bag of Funyuns in front of him and if he gets a wild look in his eye and says, “I’ll suck yo dick fo some Funyuns,” then he might be stoned.

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14 years ago

He’s lucky he wasn’t seriously injured.