Nick Lachey is lonely, oh so lonely

Nick Lachey used to bang Jessica Simpson back when she was in her prime. Then they broke up. He moved on to bang Vanessa Minnillo in Mexican hot tubs. Then they broke up. Now he sits alone in the corner at clubs sipping drinks while women avoid him like he was the sole carrier of a horrible disease. He eventually leaves the club alone, dejected and sad.

Nick’s fallen past irrelevancy. Stories don’t even mention him unless it’s to humiliate him like this one. If that wasn’t enough, Page Six wrote a sarcastic title mocking him, “Nick Lachey likes being single,” and had to throw in something about Jessica Simpson, who’s been spending a lot of time at her parents’ home in Encino, to make this even remotely interesting. Reading about Nicky Lachey’s life right now is so depressing that even I want to shoot myself.