Paris Hilton’s new album leaked

We’re going to keep this part brief, since the more I am forced to know Her Heirness of Valtrex, the more I start sweating bile and broken dreams, but if you’re interested in hearing her latest attempt at cracking the music industry, knock yourself out at Earsucker (or up top). Needless to say, it ain’t exactly the Brandenburg Concertos.

Having now drained you of any and all hope for our artistic future, allow me to introduce you to venerable English actor Charles Dance, who saw his new drama “Trinity” bumped in the United Kingdom’s TV schedule to make room for “Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend.”  As a man who works for a living and actually has the talent to assist him with these efforts, he naturally has taken exception to this:

“We’re putting too much energy into junk and reality television.

“[Trinity] was going to be shown in January or February.

“But they shelved it until September to put you know what in its place? Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend, which is possibly the most execrable piece of television I’ve ever seen in my life.

“God knows what the ratings were. It’s a piece of television for airheads, starring an airhead.”

I’m glad someone is coming out swinging about this show, because it’s not just awful (and it is truly that) but it is genuinely offensive. A fake show about fake people jumping through hoops to forge a fake friendship with a fake celebrity?  Jesus, this makes “I Love You, Man” look like a fricking documentary. (And please, don’t assume I’m bashing this because I don’t have any friends. I have lots of friends. Loooaaaads, even. Why, as I write this on a Friday morning, I see my plans for this evening include a Hungry-Man dinner with some stuffed toys and action figures, followed by a long, slow walk by the university’s nurses dormitory.  So, you know, I’m booked solid. Sorry if you wanted to hang.)