Here’s Audrina Patridge at Bardot last night. Damn, she’s hot. And stacked. How did Audrina even fit into that dress. She needed a spatula just to get in there. Look at her. She probably has to hike her dress up to her stomach all sexy-like using that hip wiggle technique girls do just to sit down properly. And I’ll have to whisper, “just a little higher baby.” And then they’ll find out I’ve been hiding in the trunk the whole time. And then they’ll have to call the police. Aw, crap. I blew my cover.