Shocking news alert

After spending all three years of her marriage cheating on her hobbit husband with strangers at clubs, Avril Lavigne has finally set Deryck Whibley free of her infested snatch. Us reports, “Divorce papers will be filed any day now” and that Deryck is “crushed”.

Don’t worry, Deryck. Time heals all wounds and Valtrex will take care of the rest. That’s what I’ve seen on commercials anyway. I don’t know first hand because I’m a winner. And winners don’t suffer the consequences of having a dirty wife.

On a completely unrelated note, if you happen to come over anytime soon, I’d appreciate if you didn’t look through my medicine cabinet. Thanks.

[Ed. Note: If Avril asked me if that dress makes her look fat, I’d say, “yes” and shove a treadmill in her face.]

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