The New York Post reports Tori Spelling haunted the halls of a Los Angeles hospital two times within two days for severe stomach pain. Tori’s husband, Dean McDermott, twittered the following to their fans, aka themselves:

“Just out of the hospital. After a battery of tests, no conclusive answers. She still feels terrible. Hope it passes soon. She’s in a lot of pain.”

I’m no doctor, but I would suggest running a test that shows her stomach trying to make a mad dash away from her uneven titties. Her stomach probably spent every morning planning its escape after awakening one too many times to a cadaverous breast resting just below Tori’s rib cage while the other was safely nestled in her armpit. That, or Tori really needs to poop.

And in other news, elderly patients at an unnamed LA hospital wrote a letter expressing how pleased they were with the life-like display of Lord of the Ring’s Gollum and requested his return at once.

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