Jessica Simpson is pretty in Uganda

A lot of people have criticized Jessica Simpson about her weight gain and you’re probably one of them. You should stop because according to Joe Simpson, “beauty starts within.” Also, if this were Uganda, Jessica would be the prettiest girl in the village. So shut up.

Jessica “becomes a Geisha in Japan,” Joe told Us. “In Uganda, we sat in a fattening hut because, in Uganda … fat is beautiful. So the bigger you are, the more beautiful you are. She was with a girl who had been in a hut preparing for her wedding for two months and 25 days on a 5,000 calorie-a-day diet.”

Don’t tell Britney Spears about this Uganda diet thing. You know how she is with fads and fast food. One slip of the tongue and she’ll likely be sitting with Jessica Simpson in a fat hut surrounded by Twinkies and McDonalds and talking about what a dumb bitch that Jenny Craig is.

Here’s Jessica celebrating Ashlee’s 25th birthday at the MGM.

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