Lindsay Lohan will go to court today to discuss her attendance record for her alcohol education program that she was ordered to complete. Lohan filed for a leave of absence from the Right On Programs so she could leave the state for work. She never contacted them when she returned. As a result, the program told a judge who will give Lindsay a stern talking to. Right after he asks her to sign an autograph. TMZ thinks it’s unlikely that the judge will violate her probation. Meanwhile, I think it’s highly unlikely Lindsay won’t show up reeking of alcohol and tell the judge to shut his stupid, judge-y mouth.
Wait, it’s over. A judge extended Lindsay’s probation another year so she could finish her classes. She’s done 15/26 alcohol classes, 13/26 group alcohol classes and 13/28 self-help sessions. All six education classes have been finished. Prosecutors promise that they’ll throw Lindsay’s ass in jail if they keep forcing them to jump through hoops. They should fit her with a wireless shock collar. You know, just because I think it would be funny if you could shock Lindsay through the internet.
The Rest of the Web, Friday, 4.28.17
Sign Me Up for This Napping Fitness Class
Beyoncé Ordering Food Has Turned into a Meme
Kids Who Want to Waste Thousands of Dollars Studying a Fake ‘Game of Thrones’ Language Are in Luck
Jennifer Lawrence Is Totally Marrying Darren Aronofsky This Summer
Katy Perry’s New Song Empowers Women To Have Food Sex or Something
Ja Rule’s $12,000 Ticket Music Festival Ends in ‘Lord of the Flies’ Nightmare With Kidnapping and Mugging Rumors
Obama’s First Joke About Trump Was Perfect
Rita Ora’s Gonna Regret This Outfit One Day
It’s Kylie Jenner’s Soulless Dead Eyes…And Her Sexy Midriff!
Kendall Jenner Gets Camera Shy Which Is Really Ironic
R. Kelly Sued for Nailing Sheriff Deputy’s Wife and Giving Her Chlamydia