No one likes Robert Pattinson

Even though girls get wet at the mere mention of Twilight and Edward Cullen, Robert Pattinson still can’t find a date. That’s because girls want Edward, not Robert. He tells the Sydney Morning Herald.

“I just don’t take any of it seriously. It’s just a job and while it’s a job I love, girls scream out for Edward, not Robert. I still can’t get a date.”

If I was Robert, I’d be walking around with vampire teeth and bejewling my bare skin to hook up with hot chicks. You want Edward Cullen? Here he is! There is no low I wouldn’t sink to. They want me to reenact the entire movie with them playing Bella? Fine. As long as it leads to anal. Speaking of which. In Pattinson’s next movie, he’ll be having hardcore gay sex.

“After Harry Potter I could have done a lot more teen movies,” he says.

Instead he starred as a young Salvador Dali who has a bromance with poet Federico Garcia Lorca in this year’s Little Ashes.

“I had to do all these hardcore gay sex scenes, when I haven’t even had a sex scene with a girl in a film yet,” he laughs.

“I’m lining up so many different films so it’ll be harder to just label me the vampire guy.”

I remember when I had to do that when I first started out in the “business”. What? He doesn’t actually have sex? Oh, uh, yea. Me neither.