Britney Spears disappoints Australia

Someone convinced Britney to push herself away from the buffet table long enough to tour in support of her new greatest-hits album. Next stop? The lovely country of Australia. Imagine the excitement as the rotund one makes her first sojourn down under. Unfortunately, sums up a nation’s resentment:

Australian music critics have greeted Britney Spears on her first concert tour down under with poor reviews and stories of fans walking out of her show. On top of that, government officials have been critical of the singer for her use of lip-syncing during performances. All the criticism has traumatized Spears…

Critics called her first concert, held in Perth on Friday, “boring” and “stiff.”

“Boring” and “stiff” you say. Ehh, too easy. Anyway, someone should tell Australia that the last time Britney sang live was in 1999. Since then, Britney’s rolled herself into the studio only when she’s had enough of the donut tray. Record producers do the rest, snipping and autotuning her warblings into singles. Managers tell her where to go and her mother keeps pushing her further into Hollywood excess. Meanwhile, Britney is an empty shell and whatever soul she had has left her.

Australia should be thankful that Britney’s greatest misdeed was only lip-syncing. She could have eaten all your kangaroos.

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