Jessica Simpson is sucking her brains out

Jessica Simpson posted a video shot by famed auteur Ken “My Voice Sounds Man-Like Yet Possesses The Shrill Qualities Of A Woman’s” Paves of her shoving a flaming candle in her ear. Presumably to remove ear wax. Although, the video sounds more like torture porn with Ken cackling in the background while Jessica screams and squirms. Its like something police would discover in a secret wall hidden behind a cabinet full of hairdolls.

God, celebrities are so dumb, they’d believe anything. That’s why I plan on moving to Hollywood to market my fantastic, new, top-of-the line cleanser. All you have to do is suck on it and voila! Instant facial.