Lindsay Lohan is mesmerizing

Because today is so slow, here’s Lindsay Lohan trying to hypnotize everyone with her breasts. Her shirt is like one of those black and white pinwheels that spin around making everyone sleepy. Or like one of those magic eye posters.

When I stare at her chest, I see a hopeless, lost, scared little girl who uses drugs and alcohol as a way to escape from her personal and professional life, both of which have been manufactured by the soul sucking machine that is Hollywood. What do you see? Is it a zebra?