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Reese and Jake split

The pointy chinned Reese Witherspoon and damsel in distress Jake Gyllenhaal have split. E! claims this happened two weeks ago. PEOPLE reports that Witherspoon told friends over Thanksgiving. GossipCop (really?) says it was “amicable and mutual”.

However, early this month Gyllenhaal called Reese his “girlfriend” during a press conference for his film Brothers. Although, the report doesn’t say how he said “girlfriend”. Maybe he said it like gay people do and then snapped his fingers. Because that could have a completely different meaning.

Another source says “the relationship just ended. It just fizzled. But they also wanted to be careful and private about it because of Reese’s kids.”

Fizzled is a great way to describe the relationship and both of them in general. They seem like they could be exciting to begin with, but later on everyone finds out they’re really boring to watch and interest in them sort of peters out. Before I read this, I didn’t even know Jake and Reese were still alive. Also, I was about to ask one of them for comment, but I didn’t want to die of boredom.

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