Tiger Woods has sex tapes now

According to The National Enquirer, who everyone used to laugh at, but now look at with apprehension because their accuracy has reached an astounding 40%, claims that Tiger Woods is terrified, absolutely terrified, that his wife will find out he fathered a bunch of bastard children and made sex tapes of said fathering. Per the NE:

The golf great had wild unprotected sex with a string of mistresses, sources tell The ENQUIRER- and now he fears claims that his out-of-control sexual proclivities may have produced children.

“That would be the final straw for his wife – AND Tiger knows it,” said an insider. “But there is definitely more than one woman out there who could come forward to say she had his babies.”

To make matters even worse, the 33-year-old sports star is reportedly worried that a lurid sex tape could appear and wreck his desperate attempts to cling onto the wreckage of his marriage to beauty and ex-model Elin Nordegren who has just bought a $2 million mansion in her native Sweden as a fail-safe escape house in case the marriage disintegrates.

Not only is Tiger dealing with this, but most of his ads have stopped playing. His last endorsed commercial aired on November 30. His life and career is in shambles at this point. The only way out is to reconcile. A good way to do that is to first deal with the babies he had from his affairs. That’s easy enough. Plastic bags are cheap. Next, he’ll have to explain away the sex tapes. The best way is to claim it was just a fad spawned by One Night in Paris. It was the cool thing to do at the time and he’s sorry. Hopefully, that will get Elin’s mind off the fact he cheated on her and get her to forgive him. Granted, all that’s pretty unrealistic, so, yea, Tiger’s pretty much screwed if the NE’s report is true.

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