Madonna wants to conceive

At 51-years-old, crypt keeper Madonna is considering having another child with her 22-year-old boyfriend Jesus Luz. Jesus says this will be “his greatest adventure.” Sort of like nailing a dead body in the morgue is an adventure. A friend of Madonna says the singer knows it will be hard at her age to get pregnant, but that she is “Olympic-athlete fit” and is “ready for the challenge.” Apparently at her age, getting pregnant is akin to competing in a triathlon.

This is an affront to nature. Madonna’s eggs are most likely 98% depleted and the ones that remain are stuffed in the back of her ovaries somewhere hidden by thousands of cobwebs. It would be like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom in there. Jesus’ sperm would probably have to clear a bunch of booby traps and a pit of snakes just to make it through.