Tara Reid is engaged

We thought this day would never happen. Tara Reid is engaged. Somebody wants to willingly marry a sac of silicone. She didn’t have to point a gun to his head or anything! Michael Axtmann, an internet entrepreneur, and Tara were were having dinner at The Little Door in LA when he asked her to marry him. Of course she took the offer.

“Michael surprised Tara with a beautiful round brilliant cut ring,” the actress’s rep tells PEOPLE exclusively. “Tara was so happy, and the other patrons clapped and yelled out, ‘Congratulations.'”

Congrats indeed, Tara. There’s hope for everyone now. But I feel a little bad for Michael. When women get married, they tend to let themselves go a little. It’s gonna suck for Michael to wake up next to some chick who looks 50 without makeup and hasn’t shaved in three weeks. It’s the same feeling you get when you wake up next to a severed horse head.

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