Kevin Smith too fat to fly

I always thought fat people couldn’t feel, their heart being sandwiched between a wall of Hostess cupcakes and Oreo cookies, but apparently it breaks just like everyone else. Such was the case with Kevin Smith’s on Valentine’s Day when Southwest kicked him off for being “way fat”. The captain of the plane called him a “safety risk”. In a series of Twitter updates, Kevin said:

Dear @SouthwestAir – I know I’m fat, but was Captain Leysath really justified in throwing me off a flight for which I was already seated?

Dear @SouthwestAir, I flew out in one seat, but right after issuing me a standby ticket, Oakland Southwest attendant Suzanne (wouldn’t give last name) told me Captain Leysath deemed me a “safety risk”. Again: I’m way fat… But I’m not THERE just yet. But if I am, why wait til my bag is up, and I’m seated WITH ARM RESTS DOWN. In front of a packed plane with a bunch of folks who’d already I.d.ed me as “Silent Bob.”

So, @SouthwestAir, go f**k yourself. I broke no regulation, offered no “safety risk” (what, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?). I was wrongly ejected from the flight (even Suzanne eventually agreed). And f**k your apologetic $100 voucher, @SouthwestAir. Thank God I don’t embarrass easily (bless you, JERSEY GIRL training). But I don’t sulk off either: so everyday, some new f**k-you Tweets for @SouthwestAir.

(1/2) @pigz “I know several people bigger then u who have flown on other airlines” I saw someone bigger than me on THAT flight! But I wasn’t about to throw a fellow Fatty under the plane as I’m being profiled. But he & I made eye contact, & he was like “Please don’t tell…”

And, hey? @SouthwestAir? I didn’t even need a seat belt extender to buckle up. Somehow, that s**t fit over my “safety concern”-creating gut.

The @SouthwestAir Diet. How it works: you’re publicly shamed into a slimmer figure. Crying the weight right off has never been easier!

Etc, etc. That has to hurt. Especially when Kevin Smith isn’t that fat (okay, yeah he is, but I’ve seen way fatter on planes). Adding insult to injury, when asked what Captain Leysath meant by “safety risk”, the captain probably blew up his cheeks, outstretched his hands and waddled around bumping into everyone on the plane and went up to the peanuts and shouted at them to “get in muh belleh”  to mimic a fatty.

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No Fat Dudes
No Fat Dudes
14 years ago

LOL @ “Kevin Smith isn’t that fat.” Dude, Kevin Smith is a whale.

I love how this site is all BRRAAWWWGHHH KELLY CLARKSON HAMBEAST but when a guy who is basically an oozing humanoid blob hits the news, it’s all, “Aww, poor him. He’s not even that big, really.”

Start working out and put down the forks, male fatties!

No Fat Dudes is an A$$HOLE
No Fat Dudes is an A$$HOLE
14 years ago

@No Fat Dudes
You’re more an A$$HOLE than KS is fat.
Go look in the mirror, you self absorbed clown.

KS hardly qualifies as a whale. He’s definately overweight, but by no meand a whale. If he could fit in the seat and do up his seatbelt, there should be no problem. People don’t ask you to leave the plane for being an a$$hole, and you meet the same criteria, you fit in your seat and can do up the belt…

No Fat Dudes
No Fat Dudes
14 years ago

@No Fat Dudes is an A$$HOLE Dear Clearly Fat & Oversensitive Dude, You’re writing, but all I see is WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH NEED ICE CREAM Firstly: no, No Fat Dudes is an A$$HOLE, Kevin Smith is not “definately overweight.” He is “definitely fat.” Really fat. In fact, he is obese. He might’ve been “definitely overweight” when he made Clerks and Dogma, but now he is obese. Your use of the word “overweight” in reference to Kevin Smith is optimistically deluded. Kelly Clarkson is overweight (I seriously wish I could think of other female celebrities who are Kelly Clarkson’s size, but I can’t.… Read more »