Jessica Simpson explains not brushing her teeth

Jessica Simpson will be on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Wednesday talking about her teef which she brushes “maybe three times a week.” She explains:

“Because my teeth are so white and I don’t like them to feel too slippery but I do use Listerine and I do floss everyday,” she explains. “But I don’t brush them every day.”

“My lips just slide all over the place….I can’t catch up with my mouth,” she continues. “I need a little coating….”

Instead, she’ll “use a shirt or something” to scrub her chompers clean.

“I know it’s gross but I always have fresh breath,” she swears. “It’s really weird but I have great breath.”

Let me be the first to say, I have no idea what the hell Jessica is talking about. Feel to slippery? Can’t catch up with her mouth? Is she a cartoon character? If she brushes her teeth and talks, do her lips look like they’re on a slip-and-slide? Why does she have to wipe it with a rag? I don’t get it.

Another thing I don’t get is why Jessica is still single. You’d think men would be jumping at the chance to tame that unwashed mouth. It’d be like exploring the Temple of Doom. Who knows what hidden treasures their tongue would find? Spinach from last week, a bear claw from that morning, maybe even Curly’s gold.


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14 years ago

Why does everyone always have to jump the gun about her? She has perfect teeth…always has. She has whiter teeth then more ppl do who brush their teeth twice a day. Leave her the hell alone. She is an amazing person who has a great personailty. She seems like such a down to earth girl. I have always been a huge fan of her. She is great! And not to mention yea she may have put on a few pounds but she looks great and her boobs looks fantastic!! Lovee u jess!

Palin Puss Fart
Palin Puss Fart
14 years ago

No one cares if you brush or not
She is a virtual glory hole and for such an up your ass poppa
She kind of has daddy issues
She’s a basket case who sings like a highschool talent show winner
When the looks fade let’s hope she isn’t still taking random faux and overrated celeb balls to the face