Sandra Bullock speaks, denies sex tape

Sandra Bullock finally broke her silence today after rumors of a sex tape between her and Jesse James began circulating. In a statement to PEOPLE, Bullock says, “There is no sex tape. There never has been one and there never will be one.” Aww, dammit.

Curiously, Bullock didn’t address whether or not she knew about Jesse being a Nazi lover despite living with him so many years. One assumes that fact may be more damaging than a sex tape. It’s like being called a serial killer who targets the homeless and fat and then issuing a public statement saying you’re still a size 0. Yea, but what about those dead homeless people?!

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