Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr married

Finding the most unexciting way to announce a marriage, Miranda Kerr released a statement explaining that she missed an appearance at the Australian department store David Jones because she and Orlando Bloom are married and are currently on their honeymoon.

“David Jones very graciously released me during this period so we could celebrate an intimate ceremony and honeymoon together,” Kerr’s statement says. “I’m very much a part of the David Jones Family and I am very committed to my role. I am enormously grateful to David Jones to have been given this time to enjoy such a special moment in my life.”

Ugh. Even marriage announcements from these two are dull. If these two were ever in an airplane crash, it’d be the most boring crash in the world. The news would say, “Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr almost died today when their plane crashed into a giant pile of foam. There was no fire because the foam cushioned the plane’s landing. Passengers were still found napping inside.”