Jennifer Lopez needs a new assistant

Everyone knows Jennifer Lopez is notoriously difficult to work with because her demands are insanely ridiculous. It’s pretty much why negotiations between her and American Idol fell through. But hopefully this new report about what it takes to be Lopez’s assistant will change people’s perception of her.

“The person has to be graceful under pressure, have a thick skin, and be resourceful in foreign countries, among others things,” an insider tells the Scene Queens. “You’ll be expected to travel at a moment’s notice and must know how to adjust in each city.”

As expected, working for a celebrity like J. Lo isn’t a 9-5 job. “The job is 6 days a week, at least 12 hour days with one day off, but you may not get off for weeks,” says the insider. “You’ll be on call 24/7 and you’ve got to be organized and always on point.”

And while hanging out with A-Listers may be glamorous – the insider notes the candidate must be comfortable around “very high profile people” – there are more mundane duties as well. “You have to change diapers, work on little sleep and cook if the butler is away,” the insider continues. But don’t worry, there will be some glamorous moments too; our source says qualified candidates get to help J. Lo dress for red carpet events and photo shoots. The salary for this gig? $55,000 to $65,000. Tickets to the Oscars may or may not be included!

Or not. Breaking it down, you have to work 72 hours a week changing diapers, being insulted, getting no sleep and cooking. Oh, but while it sounds boring and tedious, it’s really not because sometimes you’ll get to stuff Jennifer’s fat ass into a dress for red carpet events and photo shoots! And you’ll be paid $55,000 to $65,000 a year for it. I know what you’re thinking right now. “For that kind of change, do I get to wipe Lopez’s ass too?” The answer is, probably, if you’re really good.

  • Bill Surman

    Trump has dispatched 140 helicopters, 28 ships, 6 Army field hospitals, 3 Navy seabee battalions, 5 US Army Combat Engineer battalions, 3 Civil affairs battalions, 2 nuclear subs capable of generating 2.8 gigawatts of electricity, given 300,000 tons of food, medical supplies and water from military stocks to Puerto Rico. But yea, boo Trump. SMH, Fucking losers.

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