Mel Gibson killed his witness and crashed his car or something

Just kidding. That was just for pageviews. Mel Gibson didn’t kill the babysitter who he called a “wetback” and who witnessed him abusing Oksana. Cancer did. The babysitter had been battling stage four cancer for a while but died over the weekend. How convenient.

The unnamed woman is said to have been there during the blowup between him and Oksana Grigorieva on January 6. According to Oksana’s documents, the nanny was so frightened that she took Lucia and hid in a bedroom after Mel stormed around the house, slamming doors and getting angry.

I don’t have a fancy doctor’s degree and I have no idea how cancer works but I’m pretty sure Mel could have easily hired cancer to take this woman out. It’s simple science, really.

In related news, Mel Gibson got into a car accident yesterday shortly after returning from a vacation. Mel was driving his 2008 Maserati around town when “For unknown reasons, Mr. Gibson steered his car to the right and struck the rock hillside. He stopped his car at the scene and was contacted by officers from the West Valley CHP area.”

Officer Leland Tang said Gibson told officers he didn’t know how the car drifted out of the lane and into the hillside. Asked if he was on his cell phone, Gibson replied no. Asked if he dozed off, he didn’t give a definite answer. All Gibson would say is he didn’t know how it happened.

Knowing Mel, that rocky hillside probably refused to blow him first and it was waving its stupid fake tits around like they were some special deal.