Zac Efron explains why he’s not swimming in p**sy

So, Details is a gay magazine, right? Because they always have these types of interviews where they mention anus shampooing and ask if the other person is gay. This month they talk to Zac Efron. Here are the takeaways:

Zac Efron is not cool. He is the everyman
Zac Efron is not cool, and this pronouncement is neither an insult nor a revelation to him. His lack of cool has nothing to do with the fact that, as a preadolescent, he lived for community theater or that he tried to get away with wearing a fedora to school at 15. Cool is effortlessness. Efron is all effort.

Zac Efron is to Shia LaBeouf as Tom Cruise is to Sean Penn
Hollywood, like everything else, is just an extension of high school, with the burnouts and the jocks coexisting uneasily. Burnout Sean Penn drinks and smokes too much and will always be cooler than jock Tom Cruise, whom one imagines doing lots of crunches and high-fives. Same with Shia LaBeouf and Zac Efron. LaBeouf seems to give not one s**t. He disses Spielberg and flips pickups and just gets bigger; Efron makes appearances at Bar Mitzvahs as favors to industry friends. “I’m so jealous of that,” Efron says of LaBeouf, whom he doesn’t know personally. “Yeah, that’s awesome to not give a s**t. And Shia still pulls it off. That’s so cool. It’s just awesome. It just comes easy to some people.”

Tom Cruise is actually a pretty nice guy
Hollywood’s upperclassmen have shown how they feel about this freshman. Penn, upon meeting Efron, reportedly said exactly two words to him: Go skydiving. But Cruise recently flagged Efron down in the lobby of CAA. “You ride motorcycles?” Cruise asked him. Alas, he didn’t. “You wanna learn how?” Cruise invited him out to his house, taught him how a motorcycle engine works, showed him the hangar with his dozens of pristine bikes—including the Triumphs he rode in the Mission: Impossible movies. Efron was allowed to ride a pedigree-less dirt bike. “He made so many great movies,” Efron says of Cruise. “I get the feeling that he works really, really hard. It didn’t come from swagger with him. It came from dedication, hard work. You see it in the way he physicalizes everything. You watch The Last Samurai and that’s him! He’s really doing that.” I ask Efron why he supposes Cruise bothered reaching out to him. “I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t even want to know. It’s just so cool that he gave a s**t, the fact that he cared at all. No one else did that.”

Something gay always happens in a Details interview
“Oh…my…God,” Efron says with a gasp. “It’s like the best…orgasm…ever! And I just keep coming!” Efron and I are in the Soho House bathroom after a pee, and he’s lingering at the sink, letting the water pour over his diseased wrists. When he got up to head to the john, I noticed that his pants were fully unbuttoned and unzipped. “I’m just airing it out,” he’d said. “It just itches too much.” Discipline and doctor’s orders had kept the impulse to scratch at bay.

Vanessa Hudgens likes to get her anus shampooed
Here in the bathroom, the topic of other bathrooms comes up, specifically the Japanese one at the famous Los Angeles sushi place Matsuhisa, which has a bidet-like contraption that will essentially shampoo your anus. “Yeah, Vanessa has one of those,” he says, speaking for the first time of his girlfriend of five years, High School Musical costar Vanessa Hudgens, who had dropped him off tonight.

Zac Efron on why he’s not swimming in pussy (hint: he’s just not that type of guy, *swoon*)
By now the Lakers are well on their way to winning the game and the bottle of Cab is gone, not more than a quarter of it consumed by Efron himself, which may explain the coarse phrasing of my suggestion that now might be the time for him to immerse himself in the company of more than one lady friend. “Bathe in pussy?” he repeats. “Yeah, everyone tells me that. I think a lot of guys would enjoy that. But I’m not really like that.” I point out that he does not know if he would enjoy this or not, since he has never been famous and single. “Believe me,” he says. “I rack my brain thinking, ‘Why am I not out there playing the field?’ One of my buddies was like, ‘You have no idea what’s going on right now. You’re peaking on Ecstasy and you’re watching TV.’ But it’s not in my heart.”

The rumors about Vanessa Hudgens being Zac’s beard were started by the media
In person, by the way, nothing about Efron merits even flipping on the gaydar, and those rumors—that his relationship with Hudgens is a business coupling, with Mickey Mouse presiding over the union with a shotgun—seem particularly absurd. “That’s just fucking insane,” he says. “I’ve never even heard of that happening. I don’t even know who I would have been around who would have thought that was even a good idea. It would have been so much easier to call it off a long time ago.” Efron sees it as just wishful thinking by an avaricious gossip industry.

Zac seems like a cool guy but if he wants to stay away from those gay rumors he should talk a little less effusively about Tom Cruise inviting him over to ride bikes, leaving his pants unbuttoned when he knows a guy will walk in on him and stop pretending he doesn’t want to bang a lot of chicks. If this interview were any gayer it’d be all in pink and the intro would just be Zac flamboyantly shouting, “Hiiiii boys!”

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13 years ago

F**K YOU this interview is sooooo bougas,it never happened dnt believe it its all bullshit

13 years ago

Pick up a copy of Details and see if it’s true.