Lindsay Lohan is back in rehab

Lindsay Lohan checked into a live-in rehab in Southern California today. She’ll stay there pretending to be sorry until her hearing on October 22. This is the fifth time she’s been to rehab to fool people into thinking she’s changed. Rehab for Lindsay is just like going to a spa for a week.

In related “oh god I hope this doesn’t happen” news, Dina Lohan wants conservatorship over Lindsay like what Britney Spears’ dad has over her. This is to say, her mother, who was supposed to guide and protect Lindsay during her formative years, now actually feels like doing just that. Dina wants to be a mother now. *Golf clap*

“Lou and Dina are trying to throw Lindsay in a rehab right now and get her out of the picture so they can get a conservatorship without her knowing,” he told RadarOnline.com.

“They would control literally everything Lindsay does, what projects she has coming up, her finances and the people she sees-and that includes keeping me out of her life.

“I hope Lindsay hears this and realizes what they’re trying to do.”

Michael said he learned of Dina’s plan from “attorneys very close to Dina and Lindsay” and “people he knows who deal with conservatorships.”

The judge will never let this happen. This is like if you were a lion and you asked a vulture to look after a dead antelope while you got some water. Don’t be surprised when you get back to find that carcass picked clean. I’d sooner trust Freddy Krueger to look after Lindsay than Dina.