Jessica Simpson’s Thanksgiving will be jiggly and weird

Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson are celebrating Thanksgiving in New York for the first time with a tofu turkey. You see, Eric is a vegan which is extremely surprising because Jessica is from Texas where everything is fried or slathered in bbq sauce and served in a ten gallon hat. Not sure if I messed up a few stereotypes there but,

“After getting out of the NFL, [Eric] went to this healer and is very healthy,” Simpson, 30, told Jimmy Fallon of her vegan husband-to-be. “For Thanksgiving we have to make a Tofurkey! It doesn’t sound right! It’s gonna be jiggly and weird.”

“Jiggly and weird.” Sort of like Jessica’s belly. Amirite? High five! Just kidding. But no, really. Isn’t tofu Jessica’s kryptonite? I heard if she even touches that or a salad, she’ll go into anaphylactic shock.

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11 years ago

Who needs a water bed when you have Jessica to roll up on…

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